Underthinking Stuff's "What Money can't buy you" list

So today, stuff.co.nz released this list regarding what money cannot buy. The headline indicated this would be a list of things you cannot purchase in reality what we instead got was an inane list that consisted of 2 things no one could buy, 3 things Graeme Hart (NZ richest man) couldn't buy, and then 5 things that Graeme Hart could argue are purchasable.

If Graeme Hart can't afford it. No one can!

 Let's start with the 2 things that Stuff got right.

1/ The Mona Lisa

You are correct Stuff, since the Mona Lisa is a national treasure of France, it cannot be sold.

You can't afford me buddy.

 Similarly the Americans can't sell the Grand Canyon.

"Yeah it's nice honey, I just don't think it will fit in the lounge"

2/. A Property in Antarctica

 There is an International treaty stopping anyone owning property in Antarctica, I am not sure why there needs to be a treaty for this, the place is a frozen wastland I am not sure people are queuing up to buy it.

"It sure would be nice to have a summer home here"

The next 3 thing, money can buy its just Graeme Hart can't afford them with his current wealth.


1/ Google

Granted it would take a lot of money, but you could conceivably buy Google, it is a publically listed company. Of course to get controlling stake you would have to convince Larry Page and Sergey Brin to sell but it money could buy this.

"Do you come with the company?"
"Oh you hehe"

 2/. The Soccer World Cup

Despite Sepp Blatter's argument to the contrary, I am pretty sure a lot of money could buy you the Soccer world cup. Just ask Bin Hammam.

"Did you sell the World Cup to Qatar?"
"Ahhh, no comment"

3/. The World

The island place in Dubai, well this is just absurd to put on the list, it literally is for sale, for $14 billion dollars, so a lot, but I can go to this website  and buy them. Some have owners so might cost a bit more to get them off, but this is definitely something money could buy.

Yip pretty sure Real Estate is for sale.

Then the 5 things that Graeme Hart could afford.

1/ Richie McCaw

Granted he could buy him as a human being, slavery got outlawed years ago.

"I say, Damn you Abraham Lincoln"

But in terms of a Rugby player Richie McCaw is probably paid only a couple of million dollars maximum by the NZRFU. So if Graeme Hart bought a Rugby Team he probably could afford Richie McCaw.

"Sorry NZ, Glider parts are really expensive"

2/. Class

This one is debatable, since being rich doesn't make you classy.

Stay Classy Lindsey

But for a lot of money, one could purchase, elocution and etiquette lessons, learn how to play polo, and taste wine properly, and be a regular classy person. I am pretty sure that's the plot of Pgymalion.

Pictured. Learning Class.

3/. Dance Moves.

You can't purchase dance moves? Really stuff? Really?

What the hell is this guy doing then?

4/. Health

This is very vague. What do you mean health, like being alive? Everlasting life?
There is a direct correlation between average income and life expectancy. So I am pretty sure you can buy better health.

I am pretty sure Ernesto Berteralli bought the America's Cup, selling Health.

5/. Love

This one is probably the most contentious, sure you can't buy true love between consenting adults. But use your billions to buy a dog, and dog food, you will get love.

"Woof, I love you, I love you, Woof"